


Lost in the Memories

by InsaneNerdGirl



Series: Philinda fluff to angst [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, But mostly angst, Don't let the prompts fool you, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, okay maybe a little happy, there is nothing happy here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 18:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3144917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneNerdGirl/pseuds/InsaneNerdGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the tumblr prompts: "Philinda -healthy- making tea and watching Sitcoms (alone) in the SHIELD base" and "Undercover as boyfriend and girlfriend. Kissing."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in the Memories

Melinda smiled faintly as she made two cups of tea, the noise of Phil’s favorite sitcom echoing faintly into the kitchen.  
Adding exactly one and a half packets of sugar to Coulson’s come, and leaving her own unsweetened, she picked up the steaming mugs and walked towards the living area. She paused in the doorway for a moment and just watched him.   
It had been a long time since she had seen him even this relaxed, but she could still spy the tension in his shoulders, and the worry etched out in the lines on his face.

Finally she went and joined him, silently handing him his mug, which he accepted with a smile. The end credits were rolling at this point, so he flicked the TV off with the remote, before turning to her with a smile.   
"You missed the entire program, Melinda."  
The corners of her mouth went up slightly. “No I didn’t, I was just standing in the doorway.”   
He narrowed his eyes slightly. “So were you watching me or the show?” he asked, his smile mutating into a grin.  
Melinda didn’t answer, but the expression on her face gave him the only answer he would need.  
He wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled closer to him. It was a perfect moment.

—————————————————————————————————

Phil forced himself back to consciousness, out of the memories he had forcibly been submerged into.  
"No, please…  _stop!”_ he begged. “No more, no more, no more…”

His voice was barely more than a whisper, and he barely had the strength to form the words.  
"Please… no more."

Raina’s soft voice whispered into his ears. “But don’t you want this, Mr. Coulson? Don’t you want to remember when the two of you were happy and together? Or would you rather remember the day that she died?”

"No… please… no…" Phil’s managed to murmur. He wanted none of it. Reliving when he and Melinda had been together and happy was painful. Her passing was too close… far too close… and the pain of it was still like a sharp knife through his heart.

Phil was trembling with exhaustion. He couldn’t remember anything. Not why he was here, not what Raina so desperately wanted to know, not even who she was working for.  
All he knew was that he had been forced back into the memory machine, and through the agony that nailed into his head all he was able to see were memories of Melinda.  
"Tell us where Skye is, and we’ll stop." Raina suggested sweetly.  
Sweat was pouring off of him in droves, but he knew he couldn’t tell them where Skye was.   
Maybe if he could explain…  
But all he could manage was a desperate plea for the agony in his skull to stop.

He screamed as the memory machine nailed back into his subconscious, forcing him to relive moments that were all too painful.

—————————————————————————————————

"Do you like my dress?" Melinda asked, twirling a bit in the pink sundress she was wearing.  
He smiled. “Yes I do,” he told her before leaning forward to kiss her.  
All appropriate for their undercover identities.  
May giggled and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. “He’s behind you,” she whispered into his ear. “Carrying a red briefcase.”  
Phil nodded mentally and grasped her hand tightly, a huge grin crossing his face. “Come on!” he exclaimed, taking a teasing side step.  
May held back, a bit coyly. “Where are we going?” she asked, her eyes sparkling.  
"Just come on! I’ll show you when we get there." he answered, running towards their target, dragging her behind him.  
"I can’t run in  _heels!”_ she giggled as she stumbled after him.

The two were apparently so preoccupied with each other neither one noticed the man in a well tailored suit, carrying a red briefcase. The two of them bowled him over and they all ended up in a pile.  
"Oh I’m so sorry!" Melinda exclaimed earnestly, picking up the man’s briefcase. "Harry look what we did!"  
"Our apologies, sir!" Phil said as both men got to their feet. "We didn’t see you th…"  
"Give me that!" the man said angrily, snatching his briefcase from Melinda. "What do you think you are, thieves?! I’ll have you arrested!"  
"No sir! We aren’t thieves!" Melinda squeaked.  
"We’re sorry sir, but there’s no harm done!" Phil said at the same moment.  
The man harrumphed angrily before stalking away.

"Did we do it?" Phil asked when the man was out of earshot.   
One of Melinda’s rare smiles crossed her face. “Bug successfully inserted” she confirmed.  
"Now let’s go to whatever magical place you were so insistent we get to just a moment ago", she said, mischief sparkling in her dark eyes.

—————————————————————————————————

The memories fade away and once again Phil is brought back to the present. Tears are streaming down his cheeks and the ever-present ache in his heart since Melinda’s death feels sharper than ever.  
"Please… no more…" he whispered for what felt like the millionth time. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t relive another moment when Melinda had been safe and happy. He couldn’t take another moment of the torture, both mental and emotional.  
"Oh, that seemed like such a pleasant memory," Raina said dreamily. "Too bad we’ve taken her from you."  
He tried to turn away. Tried to fight against the poison in her words. Tried to escape the agony of the memory machine. But it was useless.  
"Tell us where Skye is, or we will take  _everybody_  from you. Losing Agent May will have been nothing.”  
A sob caught in his throat. He couldn’t… he couldn’t let them have Skye. he would die first!  
Oh if only they would let him die. If only he could escape it all.

"Please…" he whispered once more before falling into unconsciousness.

—————————————————————————————————

Phil Coulson didn’t survive his encounter with Raina. By the time his team found him, it was too late.  
And as Melinda May wept beside his grave for the second time in her life, it was perhaps a mercy that she was unaware of what had gone on in that room.  
If she had known that the despair of losing her had been what killed him, she never would have forgiven herself.


End file.
